I BEAT RESIDENT EVIL 4!!!!

It only took 117 saves! Yeesh, that's an embarrassing number, but fuck it! I beat the game! Whoo hoo!!!

Chapter 5-4 was a god damned BITCH. I spent most of the first part of the chapter cowering in fear inside a tent while my buddy in the helicopter killed the bad guys. Every so often I would inch forward, scared to the point of tears, until I was prompted to take cover again. It didn't help that I constantly lost my sense of direction, and that I could never tell where the chaingun dudes were shooting at me from. But I made it through somehow. Eventually, the copter went down, and I was on my own again.

Luckily, the chapter gave me everything I'd been hoping for in terms of items. Ammo and health items were EVERYWHERE. I loaded up on enough ammo that even when I found myself in a room with about a thousand ganados, one of them with a chaingun, I took care of them with no problems.

I reunited with Ashley and we got the parasites removed from our bodies, thus ending the chapter, and leading me into the terrifying battle with the final boss.

Except it wasn't really all that terrifying. In fact, it was easy as shit. Between exploding barrels, grenades, and buttons that sent things crashing into Saddler's mutant body, I took care of him pretty easily, and in one try. Satisfied with a job well done, I figured I'd breeze through the token escape sequence and end the game with no problem.

The escape sequence sucked. It was ten times more annoying and difficult than the actual boss fight. I died at least twenty times while fucking jet-skiing. Jet-skiing! Are you fucking kidding me? If I had to hear Leon do his fucking Han Solo / Sawyer-from-Lost impersonation one more time, I was going to lose it. "Hang on, sweetheart!" Suck my balls, Leon! After a million tries, a lot of pattern memorization, and a cigarette break, I finally did it! Ashley and I escaped from the horrible island of the mutant Spanish insect monsters! Ashley wanted to fuck me, and I said no. I wanted to fuck Hunnigan, and she said no. The game ended.

The credits were really beautiful and sad. As they rolled, still pictures appeared of the ganados living their lives prior to being infected by Saddler and his goons. They farmed, tended to their families, played, loved one another. I thought of how many of them I mercilessly gunned down, and it made me sad. I'm not being cute here; it actually kind of got to me emotionally. I came close to crying at one point. Before you recoil in shock, I should qualify that statement by pointing
out that I cried not only while watching Home Alone, but also while watching Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. So it doesn't take a whole lot to make me cry. Still, good job, Capcom. That was the perfect way to end the game.

Having beaten the main game, I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of new options opened up! I played through the first chapter of Seperate Ways, and it was slightly harder than I thought it would be... mostly because Ada's supplies are much
more limited than Leon's. Yo, but check this out: At one point, when I was entering the church, I had ZERO bullets in either of my guns, and my health was in the red zone with no healing items. So I went into the church like that, and was
suddenly swarmed by a roomful of ganados. I figured it was all over for poor Ada, but no! I DEFEATED THEM ALL USING ONLY THE KNIFE, AND FINISHED THE CHAPTER! How awesome am I? I very rarely have amazing video game moments like that, so I think I deserve to pat myself on the back a little bit. Of course, this means I'm going to start the second chapter in very, very bad shape, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, I'm reveling in having finally beaten this amazing game!

Yay!!!